~nicoleg2003

So, it's about 1:30am. I'm tired, sunburnt, and a might annoyed at myself. I have $15 in my wallet when yesterday I had almost a full paycheck in there. Yes, life expenses did indeed leech a great portion of it. But for some reason, I'm just pissed off with the direction my life is going.
I'm terrified that my hunch about my dear 'Ryn's situation will be right. And seeing her go through what I did two years ago...I couldn't bear it. I just wish I could do something to help.
Seems to be a theme right now, I see those I hold dear in bad or self-sabotaging situations and all I can do is blink sadly at them and hope they won't yell at me when I work up the guts to tell them I think they're fucking up. I can think of three people straight off the top of my head I just want to slap in the face with jiggly green jello.
It makes me feel...Useless.
I'm constantly reminded that I sleep curled around my pillow teddybear boyfriend named Stewie because I seem to sabotage anything that looks remotely like a romantic entanglement. I guess watching my high school friends get married and have families is what's scaring me. I'm 23, I'm all for romance, but the idea of being bound to one person for the rest of my natural born existence is...Well, daunting.
But loneliness sucks. I'm really glad I have friends I can lean on until this disturbing self-pity phase passes. Love you Eryn and Cyphen.